Martinis from a Martininator, rock and roll on blast, and a vending machine full of Buzz Balls.
There’s a new god on Paradise Row, and it doesn’t care about your cocktail hierarchy.
All My Gods, the latest effort from tattoo artist and Velvet Underground founder Roxy Velvet, has officially opened its doors in Bethnal Green. It’s not your typical East London bar—and that’s the whole point.
Backed by the team behind Dram Soho—Chris Tanner, Jack Wallis, and Simo—this new dive is a love letter to the city’s lost dens of noise, neon, and no-nonsense booze. Think 12 Bar Club and Crobar vibes, resurrected for a generation that wants its martini ice-cold, its Ruinart by the glass, and its picklebacks homemade.
Set in a 60-cover space designed by Louis Yearwood and Max Wilson, All My Gods feels like the weird lovechild of a concrete altar, a ‘90s skater basement, and a tattoo parlour séance. The bar itself is slabbed in brutalist concrete, shelving made from perforated steel, lighting designed to resemble motorbike exhausts, and a black velvet pool table you’ll probably try to buy after your third Garibaldi.
The cocktails? Chaotic good. There’s a rotating list of 15 high-volume classics from the Dram team, plus 1936 Lager and Guinness on draught, and frozen hits like the Frozen Irish Coffee and Frozen Nuclear Daiquiri. If that’s too slow, a vending machine serves chilled RTDs, from White Claw to Buzz Balls, with mini spirits and cold lager for good measure.
And then there’s the Martininator—a retrofitted Jägermeister machine that now pumps out Finlandia Vodka martinis at optimal sub-zero chill. It’s not a gimmick. It’s a necessity.
“I wanted to create a space where rebellion and individuality could be celebrated,” says Velvet. “Somewhere you can order a martini and a pickleback in the same round, and no one blinks.”
Open Wednesday to Sunday from 5pm, All My Gods isn’t trying to be cool. It’s too loud, too raw, too real for that. Which, ironically, makes it the coolest bar opening in London this year.
Address: 253 Paradise Row, E2 9LE
Hours: Wed–Thu: 5pm–12am, Fri–Sat: 5pm–2am, Sun: 5pm–11pm
Web: allmygodsbar.co.uk
IG: @allmygodsbar
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